I'll blog short and sweet now,
because I received complaints that it's too long.

SPORT'S DAY 2008 - 28th march
Being the organiser, I fixed that should anyone be late, there's forfeit (:
YAY. baoyi was late, pretty shocked, anyway she hasn't done her forfeit yet.
Amanda was on the verge of being late, but I excused her using the MRT clock that lacked a second-hand.
We took the MRT there and reached Bishan suceessfully, using the tactic of 'following the crowd'.
Apparently, there wasn't any prominent crowd to follow, but we found our way there eventually.
Didn't know I was so insensitive to birdshit, but a birdshit-tissue is a great weapon.
peiwen miki they all made newspaper caps, which looks damn idiotic, but I still wore it.
I tore my unread today newspaper for the benefit of others and me.
At least it protected my forehead.
It was damn shit that the sun was blazing hot with the absence of rain.
Another thing was that all 4 schools had shelter. wth.
So, I, by, den had specially made newspaper caps. damn cute and idiotic, BUT I LIKE!
Then people from other classes started requesting for them.
looks funny but if you think it's okay, it's okay.
Then den and by modified the caps, so our ponytails could fit in.
got picture, damn cute lah, because I'm the lead. lol.
I was shouting really loud, because need to fa xie.
anyway, ngee ann didn't always come in last. sometimes only.
pathetically, we didn't win much awards.
But who cares?
OH YA, never drink coke when you are directly under the sun.
because the gas went up my nose, and the feeling was scalding hot.
We had to wait for 5 minutes before the event starts again.
We went up the top, away from the sun, YAY, and squeezed with other people behind.
It's so damn unfair lah, but nvm, I had fun up there too.
I started playing with peiwen miki, and I shouted even louder there.
Because got they two shout with me.
We were like playing butt-attack with each other.
Scream like shit.
Clap like shit.
No control at all.
I can't see anything from the view up there,
but once I hear people cheer, I'll start cheering too.
why? It's a great chance to shout like shit.
It came to the end of sport's day. BOO.
anyway, it ended late. RAH.

Saw my primary school friends.
saw zhenzhou and wenyi on the bus to the MRT station.
It's unfortunate that our school is unable to provide us with bus services that cost $150.
then after sport's day, saw liqin, yea, still so wonderful as a friend.
feel a little sad abandoning her, but I'll be happier with TG (:
We went plaza sing, very happy that people trust my sense of directions.
I felt a little unwell, plus those areas on my face which suffered irritations seemed like it had severe sunburn, I looked like I put on blusher thankfully.
With monday oral on my mind, I ate some soup noodles instead of spicy and oily ones.
That auntie added fried onions to them, which I look upon as shit, I scooped them out duh.
We went walking around, first to the arcade and movie theatre.
I wanted to watch di yi jie, but felt too distracted to do so.
some of the ten of us were in school uniform, forbidded to enter premises.

Yamaha, where there was the saxophone, that I say if my bf can play it, I'll marry him.
I wanted to learn violin, but that idea hadn't struck me until I was 14.
Piano's cool, but common, zhongruan's best lah (:
I wanted to buy back the triangle *tink* but for wad?

we went to other miscellaneous shops.
but we stopped at spotlight the longest I guess.
I wanted to find out the prices for the TG teddies, er, it's going to cost a bomb.
I think my face got more irritated. RAH.

We stopped by best denki, and amazed by the programmes in the laptops.
they all had special detectors to sense people's head,
so the put-on-the witch-cap-game was enough to entertain them.
I walked around, in hope of finding a touch-screen laptop, but to no avail.
Then there was this that could sense eyes (:
It couldn't sense my eyes; I have no eyes ): wahlao.
There was one that could change images kinda like a distorted mirror.
They were so amazed and captivated by this invention that they were playing there like the playground. wth. OH YA, I was mistaken by my own people as the shopkeeper.
HELLO, do I really look so much like one?

We finally left. YAY.
because den, serene, rs and bc were going off soon,
everyone started taking photos like there was no tml.
Again, there's a self-protrait of me only (:

We went daiso.
Only I and ml wanted to go in.
it was quite redundant actually.

we went around window shopping again.
and bought den's bday present.
but I wanted to buy that wonderful bear bag for her eh.
oh well.

went home by MRT.
I'm quite surprised why everyone is so surprised by my thumb's ability to touch my forearm.
I can do with both hands too, but izzit that surprising?
I rmb someone else could do that too.

I went to the pharmacy at white sands.
It was a man at the counter, but thinking of my face staying red like Leechuang's,
I better ask.
He asked me if there was pus, omg, my face is not that bad yet.
Maybe because I said infected.
He gave me a tube of salve of sth.
It costs $6.30. under my budget though.

home.
went to sleep at 10.30pm.
too weary to mug or play.
and fuck, there's CO tml saturday 8am.

I practically talk to everything.
Maybe I'm going insane. RAH.
I was caught talking to my shoes.
My mother thinks that I'm suffering from mental breakdown.
I told her to wake me up one hour earlier for me to study geog,
but the next morning, I said to her that there was no place to study at home,
then I went back to sleep for 15 minutes before waking up to study.
It's not no place to study, but I wanted to stay in the bedroom,
there's aircon eh, but it's dark cause my brother's still sleeping.
Again, my mother thinks that I'm having mental breakdown.
She started telling me to stop studying.
Actually, I'll only wake up early in the morning to study geog only.
Other subjects nope. No idea why.
In the end, the test didn't even have a shit about ecotourism. wtf.
It's a might as well don't study paper.

I'm pretty sure I wanna go JC now.
My mother's saying that I should go poly indirectly.
I asked her if she wanted me to go university; ya.
'then go JC faster wad'
There are only 2 JC are consider going.
TJ and MJ
given my mother, she'll say MJ.
'nearer to your ahyi's house'
Thus I'm not really sure where I wanna go now again.

Whatever the school,
I only hope to get 7 points
7-4=3 (:
YAY.

I feel regretful.
Some guy waved his hand right in front of my face and said HI.
when I was crossing the road.
I was focussing at the scenery in front, so I was unable to focus on his face.
My inability to react and say HI back, was quite regretful to me.
Cause I just feel like saying HI back, so I just walked straight and cross the road.
That's all.
I'll make sure I react fast enough the next time.

I finally realised that everyone's making their move alr.
I'm not. That's bad.
Have to. SOON.
I'll be that eagle that swoops down. YEH.

I've a feeling that my potential has reached its bottleneck alr.
That's bad.
I'll have to push myself over that limit.
Can someone help me?
Just be better than me in some aspect.
I'll be damn damn damn motivated.
And I found my target.
Our 2007-2008 student councillor president.
No offence.

I took bus 3 with her, not sit with her.
1. Her bag is damn fat and it's seems that it's going to break anytime.
This means she brings back her books.
That's one aspect I lack. I don't bring back books unless I wanna study, which is rare.
2. She's so kiasu that she's eating on the bus.
I've never eaten on the bus, because I don't wanna be fined.
I'm such a good girl.
She's really not wasting any time.
She's insane. (:

The only thing that I can proudly say that I'm naturally more intelligent than her.
Cause I've never had tuition before in my whole life. YEA.
While tuition schedules of hers flood her entire life.
Not say I've great parents who teach me, my parents only talk cork to us.
We talk life.
My mother has never benefitted me in any schoolwork since primary one.
She used to complete my homework for me when I was primary one,
after my father caned me for the last time using that one meter long feather duster,
My whole life changed.
Sounds dramatic, but true.
That feather duster's still hanging there.
I'm so wondered why the feathers still remain.
Really wondering why when we were kids, why we didn't pluck out those feathers.
I could jolly well be in ITE now, because I had to rely on my mother to do my hw.
But everything changed, I became more and more intelligent by the day.
And finally here.

OH YA.
My father can do maths until primary 5/6 when adults completely don't understand models.
My father used algebra and I would HUH at it. always.
Now, I bring amath to my father and ask him, topic was on coordinate geometry,
He had completely no idea what's going on.
He stopped schooling at anglican high at sec 2.
My mother stopped at 'O' levels, but I guess she was those that would get 21 points.
My mother was a strict councillor, band leader, damn dominant.
She's damn old-fashioned in her thinking.
but she's my forever lovely mother (:

It's interesting to see your mother's results.
My mother refused to let me see them.
I guess they were too bad to be seen.
I have no idea where my father's ones are.

OH YA my parents are those qing mei zu ma eh
so damn cool lah.

OH YA OH YA (:
my brother said his friend said that he looked like those that were not rich.
Same case for me (: Now no more.
We are being humble here.
We don't go around flaunting our wealth right?
Only my mother does.
She was a little pissed off that people didn't think we were that rich.
She told my father.
My father said it was great, so no one would rob us.
correct?
My mother's a little on the stupid side.

But I realised how blessed we are, to be able to enjoy such luxurious life
when others are lacking food and water.
And people are driving cars that is equivalent to a moving HDB 4room flat.
Our life is so extravagant that I think we should use every resource right to its value.
SO FINISH UP YOUR FOOD.
I'll finish every speck of rice from my bowl.
It's respect to food.

Very random today.
LET'S GO.
3 (:

I promise to kick you out of my heart.
Because I finally realise the amount of time I've wasted.
I know everyone wants to know what's really in my heart.
Because I always seem to have a different appearance and mindset.
Actually, I'm one that changes easily.
If I'm bent on doing something, it depends.
I get distracted too easily.
Once I get frustrated, my mind will be filled with fucks and I'll start feeling itchy.
Then I'll get angry with the next person who provokes me.
But don't worry, I get back to normal easily, once the assignment is done. RAH.
It's quite bad. I'm starting to lose my temper at anyone.
I notice that once teenagers reach a rebellious stage, the parents tend to be more caring than ever.
They'll stop scolding and adopting the scold-and-cane method.
They'll calm themselves down, and try to look at the situation, talk nicely to the child.
That's what I see in what's happening in my brother and mother.
My mother has the dominant personality, so she's strict.
She can scold until we cry for the stupidest reasons.
Actually, my mother is so great.

YEA I FINISHED MY COMPO~
WOOHOO~
Took me three half hours to complete that damned few pieces of paper.
Oh well, I went to watch TV for 2 hours, so it's self-explanatory.

I havent studied geography yet.
I left my TYS under my school desk, when amath test is tml.
I left my amath textbook under my school desk, when homework isn't completed yet.
HAIZ

I think I need a new bag to carry more books.
Because I've the tendency to leave everything in school,
reason being, too heavy for me to carry home.
I've this bad habit since primary school.
Come to think of it, I do have many bad habits that's damn gross.
Nah, forget about the new bag.
It'll be more of a hindrance than help.
I'll purchase one for my brother as bday present, for the very first time.
His bag is like a protruding stone from nowhere.
It's bursting duh.
Anyway he talks like an auntie and is really getting on my nerves,
although I know it's really hurting to always say shut up to him.
I want a big brother ):

YAY sport's day (:
I liked last year's.
Actually I like everything of 2007.

Time to mug incessantly for geog.
RAH~

my 100th post :D
let's set a date for TG founder's day.
we'll discuss that some day.
need to do zuo wen alr.
tata.

Ruishan comments that my sentence structure is incorrect.
:(
Hence the weirdness, I guess.
Still sounds slang-ed.

My entire week is dedicated to CO.
I'm so shocked, finding myself home at 8 plus.
With me still keeping late nights, most probably I'll just grow horizontally and have darker and deeper eyebags, when I used to have none.
Exactly like what Amanda comments, this year's founder's day is even more 'hiong' than SYF.
That word really drills on my nerves, apparently I don't really like that word.
Don't take it too heart, Amanda.
CO is getting more and more tiring by the day, but I seem to enjoy CO more than ever,
because I finally found someone to talk to during dazu.
On the other hand, I think it's because we are leaving soon, and I just want to collect more precious memories than just procrastinate every practice.

The morning performance certainly sucks.
Too bad, too late.
The night performance looks cool, coloured spotlights shining at the last performance.
It's glaring, but it looks damn cool.
When I sat directly in front of the 'paigu', the vibrations caused my asshole to feel itchy. LOL.
It itched till I wasn't able to sit still.

Tml's founder's day.
Yay.
(:

oh ya my decision to make limited toilet gang teddy bears for all 12.
christine - red
bee cheng - orange
theresa - yellow
serene - green
geraldine - light blue
winnie - blue
meiling - purple
bao yi - pink
denise - dark pink
ruishan - white
amanda - silver
me - gold :D
So cool right? Anyway, I'm refering to the colour of the clothes.
Apparently, I thought everyone was refering to the bear colour.
The end products would look like carebears though.
So, the skin colour would be the normal teddy bear colour.
I'm going to buy the raw materials from spotlight, because I have the template alr.
Any special requests for your bear?
gb wanted a punk hairstyle for her bear, naked, with sling bag only.
This entire plan sounds damn cool, but it's after 'O' levels.
:( But I'll be looking forward to making them for everyone.

YAY. LET'S MUG INCESSANTLY~

Upon sudden realization that I'm just frolicking my precious time away,
I should be embarking on my journey to set my train of thoughts right.

I'm utterly disappointed to announce that I'm unable to locate the exact date of commencement of toilet gang. Sorry.

The tone sounds a little awkward, of course.
It's standard english I'm trying to type in,
but i guess the weirdness would wear off soon enough.


All of a sudden, I feel an urge to start my revision of 'O' levels,
although the switch might have came a little late,
with approximately 2 to 3 months to mid-years,
4 to 5 months to prelims or end-years(if we have one)
6 to 7 months to 'O' levels.
But I know i can cover my topics well enough by then.
If an ill-prepared and distracted me, can perform great academic potential
why not a fully-prepared and focussed me?
I can do wonders.

I was not really aware that I could accomplish so much,
partly because I could only see what others had that was not in me.
Everything is selfish in this world.
Some people are just given more blessings than others.
I believe I'm one of them.
I believe everyone I know is, including you.
It's hard to remain a constant pure mind that's for the good of everyone;
family, friends, community, country, world.
Distractions there are bound to be,
just keep yourself on track.


Ruishan, you had better reduce your anime time, and don't read your book when you walk.
Beecheng, good girl, continue to work hard. WOOHOO. Fight more with RS, relieve stress (:
Denise, don't watch too much television(like me), but i know my great daughter will study.
Winnie, don't get too worried about family or friend matters, you are becoming a worry to me.
Theresa, don't sleep too much, and cut down on getting your fiery levels high. relax. :D
Christine, keep your BGR as your source of motivation, not source of sorrow. touch wood.
Serene, don't keep too much late nights, harms your health, there's nothing more wealthier than being in the pink of health.
Geraldine, be more focussed. I know you require more time to understand certain concepts. Be F-ed!
Meiling, don't feel guilty over everything. It's only going to add on as burdens. Remove them. Don't think so much, be careful your brain explodes.
Amanda, don't get distracted by your computer, but I know you'll chiong right to the last moment.
Baoyi, I know you like to procrastinate, maybe due to low glucose levels. Eat more. (:
Me, hooked to TV, distracted by thinking in depth, wasting time by waiting for the coooorrect feeling to appear to do certain tasks.


According to my views,
Beecheng is least distracted. yay.
No idea who's most distracted,
somehow i have a feeling I'm one of the candidates vying for this position.
Winnie, Ruishan also.
Let's untangle ourselves then.
Fat hope.
It's mission possible for everyone to distract their own distractions by mugging incessantly.
Okay, makes sense. GO.


By the way,
my mother forbid me to become a psychologist.
Feeling despondent, because she doesn't support my dreams.
She questioned what subjects I wanted to take in JC,
I said don't know, whilst my mind was still tumbling like a washing machine with the subjects thrown all over.
Balls printed with subject names roll out by balloting,
first ball; CHEMISTRY
I gazed at her, and answered chemistry.
'you better not become a psychologist,' she interrupted curtly.
The feeling I experienced was like a child having his newly-purchased lollipop snatched away by his parent.
It completely dashed my dreams.
Although this was just a temporary ambition I harbour,
it may be unsettled, but I don't need any cold water.
Trying to hide my aminosity, I needed a reason for this ridiculous situation.
'Why?'
'Because psychologists go crazy themselves.'
Aware that this is care and concern, it's every parent's instinct to protect their child,
I felt contradicted.
In the face of family love and the wilderness of dreaming, along with any teenager's rebellion,
I fell into my own trap, against my mother's will.
I feel lonely with someone not supporting my dreams.
Anyway, the road to becoming a psychologist is not simple,
it requires a whole load of qualifications and experience.
For a mother-to-be, I don't think this applies to my future.
Another selfish mindset I have, a psychologist as my ambition to impress people.
However, I do like to become one if you allow me to make a choice.
In actual fact, I only wish to become a mother.
Perhaps set up a small shop of my own, to pay for milk powder.
There's always my husband, right?
I don't want a normal life that every girl is thinking of now;
carving a career, marrying at 30 years, giving birth to 1/2 children.
Omg, that sounds completely ridiculous to me. Seriously.
I only want to live a life that fits my description now;
finish what my parents and relatives expect of me, a graduate,
get a man and get married before 25, regardless of financial status,
give birth to my first boy at my first go, with regards to financial status,
then continue with a second one,
finally the third one.
Preferably, the giving birth should occur all before 32 years.
I don't care any hoot about what happens in my career,
but while I want to be a mother,
I wish to become a psychologist too.
It's not an impossible plan.
sounds feasible, cool, special.
Therefore, I'm bent on becoming a psychologist.
Shit. It's psychiatrist.
There's difference in both of them.
Research yourself.
An ambitious girl who wishes to become a psychiatrist, and a mother of three;
that's the life I want.
Meanwhile, let's just mug incessantly for the 'O' levels.

feeling sentimental these days
due to free time spared
when i came to sch for CO today
i had a feeling the CD shelter door wasn't open yet
so i walked slowly, even slower than sightseeing

i wondered...
why did the pond still remain and not demolished?
how did the school look like before PRIME?
what happened to the old canteen?
how did we use to walk to the old canteen?
why did i had such difficulty in recollecting memories?
what would i do in the old canteen?
where's my favourite pillar and the dustbin beside it?
where's him?

then i started recollecting...
the brown tiles
the many pillars especially my pillar
the atmosphere and familiarity
the him that i would peer from the many pillars
his backview and smile
the only time we sat side-by-side
the food
the vending machines at that place
the quatrangle
the basketball court
the him i would search for from my position
the passageway
the toilet, especially the second cubicle
which also marked the creation of toilet gang.
but the one that i still recollect and miss most is him.

i only want you by my side.

speaking of toilet gang,
i suddenly realise i came up with everything regarding toilet gang
except for the short form TG
i came up with the member list
1. christine
2. winnie
3. geraldine
4. serene
5. theresa
6. meiling
7. baoyi
8. amanda
9. me
10. beecheng
11. ruishan
12. denise
i came up with the name
because we would unknowingly gather outside that toilet
i came up with the chairman of TG
RUISHAN~
i have no idea why
i came up with toilet queen of TG
BAOYI~
cause she's unbelievably fast in both her businesses
i came up with a recent post called toilet ambassador
WINNIE~
she does everything, i guess (:

but i dint create a post for myself
maybe i should be the creator
since i created almost everything of TG
okay TG creator
YEELING~

yay.

let's wish success in me creating more post in the future
toilet gang wan sui!

oh ya so where's the blog that we wanted to set up?
geraldine IT rep GO.
then we need a TG item that everyone must carry.
yep, let's leave to toilet ambassador to decide the item with us.
a keychain perhaps.
dont worry we wont make a toilet bowl.
then next is the one-day TG excursion
maybe the EH EPP lunch at tmart counted as the first outing lol.
so as proposed by our chairman,
she'll make sure that everyone would be present for this excursion after the 'O' levels
she'll call every parent if she has to.
we'll go right after the last paper which is bio MCQ
yay~

i have no idea when TG was set up
thinking it's sec3 start
when my mind was still uncorrupted with schoolwork or crap
when i still had crazy ideas to speak of
im completely squeezed dried now.
we should have a toilet gang bday or commerative day
thus i'll go back to search for the actual date
try lah.
maybe i wrote it inside my diary.
which ive stopped doing so now
it's really a great practice.
apparently if you dont have the motivation to write,
it's a burden.

trying to put down the many burdens im carrying now
so that i can carry new ones
the only burden im still hesitating about is him.
it's too heavy to put down at one go.
in the midst of letting go that burden, im trying to carry it back again.

okay my task
go back and search toilet gang's commerative day~

baoyi asked me one really constructive question today
you still in it?
yet i have no answer for it
perhaps it takes more time than this
but i have learnt to let it go alr
i do have evidences (:
the fact that i still harp on some issues is because i still miss him
as far as i know he's disappearing
sorry.

a bit emo today
after the CO camp dinner
guess it's because it's the feeling of being outcasted at the beginning
but towards the end, it turned out pretty fine
at least i still feel some comfort and a little happiness.
i ate one otah, 4 satays i think, 3 pieces of sotong, two pieces of chicken
that's the so-called CO dinner
but not too bad
i expected nothing initially seriously
that piece of chicken is enough to fill my heart
it's quite funny to sit on the stage to eat
but i quite liked it (:
we are going to be seniors for the last year
thinking about this, let's just be dominant to the juniors once

then i'll link to this is our last year together
feel like crying because im a bit emo now
i used to look forward to JC to meeting new friends and whatever
but now i realised what a stupid mistake i made
i miss you all ;(
i dont feel like leaving anymore
because like that most probably we'll start leading separate lives again
what fuck
not emo now, being sentimental
maybe this is the only time when i can really say out how i really feel
when you are feeling most down, it's the time where your heart is bared out

it's hard to say hello
it's hard to bond
it's hard to stay together
it's hardest to say goodbye

although people always say we'll stay in contact what shit
but how many friends do you really stay together with for life?
a handful maybe
im not saying this to make everyone emo with me also
but to actually highlight to ourselves that we should cherish our times together
it's going to pass real fast
can you imagine ten weeks has alr passed this year?
and we dont really have much time left.
let's cherish each other.
let's.

being very sentimental today.
it's getting kinda heavy-hearted.
it's really hard to manage relations
so stop fighting kids.
but dont stop fighting.
because fighting is always a way of bonding
just dont go beyond the extreme

i just have a feeling that we, like toilet gang
got together too late
we should have organised it earlier
because we just got bonded too late
we were slow in heating up
just like metals and alloys
we took too long to bond
what a shame
time's running out.

i have one word for everyone that reads this
CHERISH
not cherry (:

let me give a summary of my march holidays

monday: we ate sushi at white sands, with my cousins and ahyi's
the beginning was filled with tears, because they are children.
and chengkiat started singing
damn cute
tell you he sang on standing at the platform
so cool right?
like mini superstar.
next time ask me show you the video
then we shen jing san gong zhu went to watch the leap years.
wasn't quite as dramatic as i thought it would be
he wasn't a criminal. rah.
but overall the movie was fine.
and i reached home quite late.
my bro went NCC camp
boring, but at least i had peace.

tuesday: mammy left for guangzhou
pa was sad of course
who would want their wife to fly off for so many days?
i can provide the simplest reason for pa's mood swings.
lonely lah. and he can't carry out some activities alone.
you know? (:
so i went for zhongruan
saw peiwen, miki, grace
they had NPCC camp
they looked kinda sad :(
i had backache and neckache
because tcher forbidded us to lean on the chair
she rebonded her hair
wow whatver
actually i kinda miss her
oh well
i just dont like her style of pressurising us
but i had fun
im such a caring senior (:

wednesday: today
i rushed wrapping theresa's present
and yea looks horrible
because i refused to use wrapping paper plus i dont have one
but it's right from my heart
at least inside had heart shapes
i made them when i was waiting for 39 to come to school for amath lessons
god. it's hard to make okay?
the paper i had was damn small
lucky i have my long nail (:
so amath lesson was a little drifty to me at the start
i had problems concentrating on wad ms tiong was trying to drive at
i was drifting to nowhere in fact
just stoning
i wonder if baoyi's stoning too.
maybe.
but finally i could understand
omg.
and i cleared all my funny doubts of the previous chapters
so it ended early. yay.
and i finally passed the amath tys money to ms tiong
yay lest i lose it
and we went to eat at tmart
8 of us.
gb, tc, by, ml, bc, rs, yl, den
yay.
winnie went for amath test ):
then we started talking and eating
so people left and winnie joined
and the only people left over were gb, yl, ml, by, winnie.
and we went ml's house
and we started highing over a cartoon
lol.
then we saw uncle chen (:
ml's brother lah.
winnie went back home to fetch some books while ml, by and yl waited at the busstop
so funny to pronounce myself as yl.
it rained and winnie made it back.
we took bus to tampines library
and while everyone was reading, i was doing amath homework
seriously when i look at winnie's storybooks and baoyi's amath textbook,
i preferred looking at baoyi's amath textbook.
that's like omg to me.
im so no life.
but it's a fact that i dont read storybooks
they prove to me as uninterested.
so we went tmall to eat tako pachi
yay. and we played with the boxes.
apparently i made the mistake of catching the box than let it fall to the floor
winnie could have picked it up
but i 'accidentally' dropped it on the floor
to know that im picking it up.
then we ate yakun toast
ml was emo and was gorging herself
in the midst, she was also gorging me
when i still felt happy.
to cheer her up, i offered to do all sorts of funny things
meiling, relax lah.
it's really okay if you hadn't study enough during the march holidays
but it's a fact that you did.
better than people who choose to just take things in stride
like me (:
dont worry too much.
because you did study.
we went back to school and yea CO camp dinner.
i felt even more comforted when we were leaving
when julian they all ask if we were leaving alr,
this goes to show that we are not all that left out
at least people feels sad for us leaving.
see?
actually it's quite fulfilling.
yep. contented
but like i always say.
the 2006 one is the best.
because there's you.
but sorry it dint start then.
it started after that.

okay we are back to the same topic right at the start again.
i guess you can always remain in a dark corner of my heart.

a little surprised that wenyi came to my blog
thanks.
i like the feeling of being noticed by people
lol.

feeling sentimental nowadays
no reason.
i'll start saying i love you to everyone.
the thanks activity made me realise how important friends are to me
so just tolerate if i act cute or do sth stupid,
it's just that i wanna make you as my friend feel important too.
because i know that feeling of being important to someone is indescribable.

i know people feel hurt when i can't rmb stuff about them
like bdays, because i just have short term memory space
i rmb bdays with special meanings each
so if i can't rmb your bday, it's just that im unable to find a special meaning for your bday yet.

oh ya i have such a dumb brother.
i find myself fighting with him most of the time.
last time i only used to like just criticise him
for every mistake he makes
maybe make fun of him
but i started realising that this was traumatising
because i should be comforting hom instead of aggravating the situation
so i kept quiet if i can
and now because i have my own set of problems,
i can no longer control myself not to retaliate when he does sth stupid
like trying to touch or hit me for nothing.
i will start giving him that face guys always give when they are being hit by a girl
just look closely at those korean shows that features such scenes
and i'll just retaliate back by hitting
and always it's at some public place
especially fairprice
disgusting.
got one time we were fighting lah.
it's always my pa that says
BU YAO DA LE.
in that almost furious tone.
so i'll stop.
but i'll always be at the losing end.
we are living in a democratic world now
if you touch me 3 times,
be fair, let me touch you back three times too.
this is highly irritanting.
and we just fought outside the door.
for he pushed the door on me when i was trying to wear my slippers
then i realised how fast my reaction was
to hit him back with my bag
it's still unfair he still hit me back when he's at fault when my pa wasn't looking
stupid guy.
at least my mom knows im angry with him
he's so fucking ungentlemanly.

i finally realised why i get angry and pissed off so easily alr.
not because you did sth wrong to me
but rather you have stepped past my circle of principles
not that angry at wad the mistake was
rather that you have eroded my principles.
and i have a feeling i have very strict principles
there are just some things that i can't just get on with
it simply pisses me off.

but it depends on the person involved too.
but my principles are the weirdest ones ever i guess.

i find that i talk to myself too often
a bit scary though
but i dont think that i have split personality
my so-called mood swings are just that you happen to be unlucky enough
to step into my circle of principles when it's at its maximum

just like if ml kicks my chair when im unable to solve my qns,
i'll get pissed off
but if ml kicks my chair when im happy and hyper,
i dont even take it in mind.

just like if leechuang does sth to my head again when im frustrated or unhappy,
i'll get pissed off and swear one day i'll do that to hers
but if she does it when im happy and playful,
i'll just think of it as bonding.

haiz i must really learn how to control my emotions
but i think it doesn't really reflect on my face
it reflects more of my body language
and i have really strong body language
that's more readable than my face.

but nowadays im hyper and happy,
so dont worry.
i promise this will be what im going to be
but afterall, im still introverted.

happy~
coz finally we are able to watch the leap years tml
yay.
the shen jing san gong zhu outing
second edition.
lol.
quite happy when i sms baoyi
and she said yes.
last time was the time constraint
this time was money constraint
but we can always earn the money back.
not the memories spent. (:

now im going to dedicate my time to homework again.
anyway, im not that different when i blog and in real life.
maybe because my voice and tone gives everything away.

okay test period is over
hooray.

now im like no life.
lol.
can my life only circulate around studying?
but who cares?

stupid.
i wonder how miraculous things can turn.
i guess the most wonderful thing on earth is coincidence.
for the first time i took my first bus to elias to my new headquarters
i saw someone that made my eye pupils dilate real big
something really pleasant.
cool man.
i was still esctatic when i reached home
to see my aunt's house in a mess
and i threw aside my bio spa file
and started doing silly stuff
like assembling the cupboard from ikea
im so smart. i did it through my own effort
wakaka.

so haiz.
let's not talk about wad's disheartening anymore.

i wanna watch the leap years.
yay.
had alr watched it..almost.
but winnie fell ill and the date fell through
oh well saturday then.
i dont want anyone fainting.

eat well and sleep well kids.
(:

changed my views
decided not to compete with other people at results

it's really competing and challenging myself
so i dont care about the results alr
just as long as i learn a lesson from it

gogogo...

as long as i meet the targets i set for myself
which is A1 i guess

this unknowing pressure is harder for me to take than ever
i hate to see the results
of course it's always under my standards
maybe i set too rocket high goals

but most importantly.
never be complacent
it's the worst flaw you can have

dont stretch me anymore
im afraid i might just break apart
GOD

let's just learn something from our foolish mistakes
pick up from where we tripped and move on
no point groaning at the very same spot

let's learn and absorb the lesson
and this is just part of life's experiences that everyone will go through

it took me so long to understand this
shame

dont contaminate your mind with stuff that's not meant for you
because you have no one to blame but yourself if anything goes awry
dont attempt to cheat and bluff yourself
it maybe a shortcut now
but it doesn't guarantee you a success
plus this is not your actual potential
just take it seriously
and do your best.

that's the most heartening thing you can do.
if you fail with your own potential
than pass with a guilty conscience

it's only but an attractive shortcut
take the long route to really learn the necessary points

that's what life's all about
shortcuts first, but gradually understand the meaning of the longer and conscientious road

depend on yourself
that's all that i can say
dont contaminate my mind
and worst control yourself not to expose yourself to the contamination

it really makes a whole world of difference
be a man.
lol.

cheer up (: