Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I don't like it when my mindset changes everyday. In the end, despite the new mindset made the previous day, I still revert back to the old one. Sigh. Subsequently, it goes back and forth. Swinging from place to place. But it always swings back to the old mindset.




Not that I don't like the old mindset, perhaps the new mindset is new and appealing for now. But whenever the new mindset gives me troubles, I'll immediately revert back to the old one.





Till now, I still resist changes.





This uncertainty gets on my nerves.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Okay, I'm bored. Although it's late, but I don't want to sleep yet.





Recently, I've been thinking about it. It ravages my mind, occupies my heart, takes my attention and concentration away. It fills my mind completely. I can no longer it, though I refuse to take it away either. I find it amazing. How it can change just like this, but return back the next moment. It simply amazes me.





It's not as if this had never happened to me before. Come to think of it, I prefer confusion. I prefer it to be all blurred and unsure. It gives me room to think. Perhaps, I just enjoy observing reactions of others towards relationships. It's interesting to see how one's reaction can influence that of another's.





Those memories never fail to bring a foolish smile on my face. Given my poor memory, I hope I won't forget anything. Honestly, I cherish all my relationships. Actually, my memory isn't bad, it's selective. Frankly, I only remember things that I like. Hah.






The things I like are very limited. Don't be too sad if I always forget stuff about you. I care and love everyone. Come closer to me and you will know it.





Glad you know it. Never do stupid things again then.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

It all seems weird when your ideas or thoughts start contradicting each other. It feels as if they don't carry any weight. It kind of undermines self-confidence, when you can't even figure out exactly what you wish to achieve. That's what I concluded.





I don't know what went wrong with me, but I actually like to let myself be depressed. Take note, I'm not depressed. :D I like the feeling of letting my emotions swing across the spectrum from depression to euphoria within that split moment. Actually, I can say that I purposely made myself feel depressed, to contrast and bring out the difference of being happy.






Honestly, I really do make myself depressed. I realised that there's only one reason I would make myself depressed over. Only that. Wallowing in the depths of depression aint at all bad. Like I would say, as long as I like it.






I like to experience lots of emotions, especially when I have a strong feeling for it. A very strong and powerful feeling.





Undoubtedly, I am very happy. I find it hard not to smile heartily for a day. Seriously, I find it hard to not smile or laugh, or even smirk. Haha.





I never told a single someone, everything about me before. Trust me, I have much to hide.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I was trying to cut my fringe in the toilet just now. Apparently, it's no easy job, when the scissors my mom gave me was so small. It can barely cut an inch each time. And I realise it's not funny when small stubs of hair make their way into my eyes. Haha.



I succeeded in getting my fringe nicely trimmed. Short enough to not obstruct my vision. But I have this feeling that I'm going to do the same thing again in due time.




Anyway, I just realised my hair is really long. looooooooooooooooooooooong. :D




Hairy~

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Recently, I was motivated to study really hard and score super well for my promos. Haha. Seriously, I felt motivated. It's been so long since someone could motivate me like this. Whenever I think about this, I would feel the gush to excel and live up to his expectation of me. I hope it's really the case. Hah.




Honestly, I wish this feeling can last for a long period of time. It makes me feel euphoric, more than just happy you see, and it kind of removes the heavy load all that stress has placed on me. The worst thing is that, I created the stress. Can you imagine it? Yea of course. Hahahaha.




I cannot stop myself from pressuring on myself. It worries me when that euphoria seems to be diminishing every subsequent time I think of it to motivate myself.





I shall relax. I know I look calm, as it nothing great happened, but actually, I'm on the verge of pulling all my hair out. Sometimes, it proves to be too much for me to handle, such that my reaction is equivalent to nothing at all.




In any case, I shall relax and slowly tackle the tasks. Yea. Sounds like a marvellous idea. Bravo! Haha.




Sometimes, a moderate amount of self-deception is needed.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I felt a little stressed over pw just now. The thought of our teacher's face and voice scares the hell out of me. If she were less forceful, I guess pw could have been a lot more enjoyable for me. Seriously, pw scares the hell out of me.




I hate to feel fearful, because the thought of having to stand on my toes all day makes me all jittery. It's been pretty long since I felt so afraid. See, I lost all my immunity to defend myself against those malicious attacks. I need to build it up soon. It's going to be a tough period ahead. And I look forward to it. Hahahahaha.





Yet again, there would be this long list of tasks to complete.





Honestly, it's starting to give me the shivers.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Shortly after the teevee show ended, I felt a sudden tireness rushing into my head, then spreading to the rest of my body. I wondered why. Perhaps the tutorials I was doing exhausted me? Perhaps I was getting worn out for the day? Perhaps the thought of the monotonous studying life pulled my spirits down?




Today, I slept for the most number of hours for these few years, I think. I know it's going to sound hilarious, but I slept for 12 hours straight. I don't need so much sleep. It's pretty crazy, and I had to give up my date with Rui Shan. Haha. I woke up suddenly at the time I was supposed to meet her. Haha.






I barely enjoyed this few days, and it's ending abruptly now. Only to be haunted by new assignments and the previous blunders. During this few weeks, I've always been in the comfort zone, feeling happy and relaxed with time on my hand. Now, I think I'm going to be placed under pressure yet again. The starting of this new period always hurts, but I always like the period following this. I would be stronger and more willing to accept the pressure. Moreover, like what people always say, hardships shape one's personality.






Like who doesn't want to be a better person each day?






As long as we think we deserve it.

Friday, July 3, 2009

The exams are finally done. Haha. I'm not particularly extremely euphoric over it, but I would definitely be happy not studying in front of the television. I do feel a little funny not doing any work. Haha.




I think the results are going to suck man. Honestly, I'm not kidding. I know roughly how well I did. It's not close to well, it's lousy. Haha. But anyway, it's over and it doesn't really matter to me. Sigh. I don't even give a damn about my academic results now. :D





Because I think it's going to be a disaster. I guess I pictured TJ to be a school different from MJ, it's actually the same. Seriously, I don't get the point why schools want to set such tough papers to demoralise us (although I don't feel this way).





I was working hard, yet wasting time slacking and doing some recreational stuff. Haha. I just couldn't get into the mood to seriously mug. Nonetheless, I think I need to brush up on my schoolwork now.






Arh. Whatever. As long as I'm happy. :D






You need to appease me with your appearance.