I think my life is exciting. At least for now, before mugging sets in again. I can plan wherever I want to go now, at my own pace. It's rather nice to be alone. It gives me time to think about those stuff around me. Kinda like some self-reflection exercise.



Contemplate over the mistakes I made; Stand by the decisions I make; Smile over the happy stuff; Entertain myself with the weird things. Being alone really gives you all the time in the world to make yourself a better person.



Suddenly, I come to think that I'm pretty stubborn. I may be in the wrong, but I refuse to admit to the person that I am, though I already admitted it to myself.




I may look stupid to you, a little lost somehow. But actually I'm thinking deeper down than most people are. I'm thinking of something else that you will never ever think of. Seriously, it's something that you will never think of. I appear lost, because my thoughts just don't tally with yours.




Some can read parts of my mind, but actually it's just the more real parts of my life. You've yet to step into my world of thoughts. I find my deepest thoughts unbearable to others. People are rather intolerable to my deepest thoughts still. I carelessly spilled them out, and it never leads to anything good. Hence I decided to cut down or even nullify their exposure.




I'll just say the more presentable thoughts of my mind that were instantaneously created along with my deepest thoughts to suit the society. Though people become offended easily somehow with my deepest comments, I won't deny myself of these thoughts anyway. I find them perfectly fine, and even sometimes think that others should just believe in them totally as well. Too bad, society is unable to accept them, they just have to be kept to myself then.




That's why I'm always speechless. Some of my words come with masks attached. Even this piece of text carries a mask before it. Some words have been altered to suit the society, to make this piece of writing acceptable.




Seriously, very little people can accept my theories immediately. I find it a shame. No wonder I'm a freethinker.




Censorship of my deepest thoughts has reached its maximum. As I get more educated, the more I feel that I should express myself regardless of how people feel and react towards them.




Nevertheless, I still choose to express the words that society prefers, to what I really think. They are pretty intolerable and dictative to many. Hah.




Anyway, you might be thinking that my deepest thoughts are really really mean. They aren't. They are just intolerable. Want to hear one?




I think everyone should think the way I think, so that everyone can be a better person.




Actually this is something I created simultaneously along with the deepest thought.




You've yet to come into my world.

The world is in a huge mess now. Violence and bloodshed is spreading from what I hear. The value of shares are crashing down still. The economy is coming to a standstill once more. Will we even live to see the next generation grow?



Looking at how those terrorists take lives away indiscriminately, I think I definitely fear death. What if I died in the gunshots of those bloody bastards on my overseas trip? Seriously, I don't want to. Eh, but at least it's a quick death I suppose.



I hope a catastrophe strikes and nullify all. Wipe out all organisms on earth, especially humans. So everything can start all over again. Because this world is way too polluted and corrupted.



Anyway, I fear death still.



Impress me eh.

I'm bored now. Entertain me.




I got a job under winnie's recommendation. Some cheap labour. HAHA. But as long as I get the money, nothing else matters actually. Perhaps the job is to kill time as well. HAHA.




My mother says that I'm still snatching other people's ricebowls. Oh well. I'm trying to get some cash for myself to spend. It's pathetic to stretch my hand out everyday for cash to spend.




No one entertained me in the end.

I just love my teevee. =D




And I think it's still going to spoil soon.




I just realise how much I have spent in just one week. Ahahaha. It's rather serious. I'm going broke soon. And reaching out my hand to my mother for money is rather pathetic too. Hope I can get some cheap labour job soon. At least the little sum of money earned can cover up for my expenses this holiday.




I want to be independent, though I can take as much money as I want. Because my mother dotes on me. (:




Anyway, it's getting bored staying at home. Might as well do labour and earn extra. Then I can spend even more. HAHA.





Oh ya, it's no wonder my ambition was not any job in the service industry. I just realised how much I wanted to be an entrepreneur. Being an employee just suck. Hah.




To put in simple words, I never liked to act according to anyone's wishes. Unless I want to, that is.




Just give me a job.

A little girl holding onto a piece of string stood rooted to the ground. Beside her was a big oak tree that stood rooted to the ground too. She refused to budge, not an inch at all. In her hands, that particular piece of string was special to her. She promised herself not to let go of the kite she's been holding on for all these ages. Just like the tree which would stand strongly and resist the weather patterns.




It was tattered and torn. Its streamers aint as frilly as before. Obviously, its colour has faded as well. That striking red body is reduced to a tainted white figure, like how the blood would have been drained away from it. The folds and holes can only represent nothing, but the many injuries sustained. Will the same ending befall on her then?




She's really been holding onto that string of the lousy kite for ages. Is it time she let go both her hands off that string to embrace a new one? Her thoughts may be wavering, but her heart and desire never did.




The fucking kite had been stuck up in the intricate branches of the big oak tree for as far as the girl had stood rooted there. Her determination was so alarming, that even she herself couldn't believe it. Until one day, when she started to think again, could she comtemplate her foolishness.




Even self-awareness couldn't save her. She might have jolly well grew roots of her own into the ground! She was then lost and unsure of her purpose of holding onto that kite. Was she still standing there to continue her pursue for miracles? Or that she couldn't move at all, even at her own will because she became a tree too?





In any case, she's still standing there holding onto that kite. Tugging hard at it to free the kite was no solution. Letting her hands off aint easy for her at all. Standing there was the only way she could ever take.




When will another kite ever fly by?




I believe she'll still be there for the many ages that have yet to come.

IT'S MY BDAY!




HAHA.




I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE ANYMORE.




=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

I wanted to find someone to pour out my troubles to. Too bad, I just refused to used the mobile to do so. Actually, I've only got one trouble lah. Hah. Feeling a little blue now.




The television is spoilt. Noooooooooooooooo.




Thus I'm feeling freaking deprived now and a little fucked up. HAHA.




Oh ya, I decided not to work anymore. It's so stupid. They don't wanna hire me because I'm too young and I don't wish to work as cheap labour either. So let me just live off my parents for now. =D




Seriously, I just wanna crap with someone right now. HAHA.





I hope the television can revert back to its original state when I switch it on again.




Argh. Oh well.




I'll still be waiting.

It's over over over.





YAY!






To be frank, I don't really feel any sudden burst of freedom or anything. It was just normal. It's like there's still another paper tml, when there's not. SO WOOHOO. Feeling no sense of freedom at all, I think it's because I'm worried about the job recruitment stuff. Anyway, my heart's getting a little tired from the searching and applying for jobs aimlessly. I guess I'm not going to find a job after all. Perhaps I'll set up my own business or sth. HAHA.






It's getting late. HAHA.







My bday's coming.







Could you give me a surprise then?

Just wanna try mugging at a different place in a more relaxing manner. Seriously, it's pretty stressful to see the sec 4s and J2s study at the library together. It's like a mugging marathon, with no prize to offer though.




I always thought the reference room was awfully silent till I can't stand it at all. After it being my mugging den for so long, I actually kinda like the atmosphere there. Only that it's pretty restricting though. Nonetheless, telling me to go to the library to mug is like sending me back to my jail term and room again. Nah, no thanks.





So let's sip coffee and discuss our questions patiently in the comfortable cafe. Hah. It sounds freaking relaxing. Hope it'll be tml. A little sick of that cycle of events.





I feel like a small little canary flying freely in the dark greyish clouds about in the deep blue sky. I guess it's the feelings of most now. You are wandering freely in your own world already, yet the exams are still ongoing. Stupidly ironical. Doubt many can concentrate on MCQs now anyway. Oh well.





Tweet Tweet.

I've got this freaking headache now. I think it's because I ate too much heaty stuff. HAHA. Come to think of it, perhaps the real cause was because I watched too much tv and concentrated too much.




I think I need fresh air. Feeling breathless now. Oh dear.




I'm afraid I can mug no more, because I'm absolutely distracted now. Just want to hang around and not be burdened with the fact that I've to study.





Suddenly I think that my headache could have arisen from over-dosage of sleep hours all of a sudden. There was one night I slept real late, then I wanted to make up for it by sleeping more the next few days. Ahahahahahah. Looks like it doesn't really work. Anyway, it's past midnight already. Perhaps it's time for me to sleep.





Hope it disintegrates by tml morning. Dissipate into small atoms and into a blurred image, then start fading off from the core. Disappear into null. HAHA.





Just go away.

I feel deprived. Give me what I want. Ahahahahahahahah.





Actually, I've no freaking idea what I really wanna do after the exams. Being overwhelmed by the sudden burst of freedom would be rather difficult to handle, I guess. I don't even know where I want to go this saturday. I would not go to tampines library anymore. I don't wanna mug anymore. It's simply crazy how mugging has become such an integrated part of my life. Too bad, the MCQ papers are just like chains, preventing my flight, forcing me to study. Seriously, I hate to. Oh well.





Why is it so hard for me to ask him for that?

I've got this thinking. One day, I hope that a disease would simply just wipe out all of human kind. Reason being, there's just simply tooooooo many people on this world. Dear disease, just kill every single one, imcluding me. Wouldn't that be great?



Everyone has their own thinking about where we'll go after we die. In my view, I think we just cease to breathe and exist in this real world anymore. It's like being put to eternal deep sleep, never to be awoken again. Why bother to go to another world? Haha. Anyway, die means die. It still seems scary to me, because I've just too many things left undone.




Wouldn't it be great if death was no longer scary? Haha. Then I'll become the scary one. (:




Anyway, 'O' levels seem to be getting more and more normal. Today I sat down at my usual table, wondering why was the exam feeling so stagnant. I can't experience the anxiety, the fear, the nervousness, the joy, the adrenaline rush, the brain drain, the tension, the gush. Practically, I was a little lost in my own world. Detached perhaps. Oh well.




The instantaneous euphoria after each exam is always so transient. This is because I've yet to study for the next paper. I'm forever rushing and burning the night oil. Is this really my 'O' levels? Seriously, it feels more like common tests to me. My ability to underestimate the influence of this important exam seem to be rather amazing to me though.




Oh well. There's five more papers left. And only one requires memory work. HAH.




This is the only comfort I have till this point. Wish me luck. =D




Might as well give me your power. HAHAHAHAHAHA.