Yesterday I and winnie went geraldine's house.
I admit I was tempted by the offer of going her rarely offered house,
but doing this behind her mother seems wrong.
We succumbed to the temptation anyway.
We played taiti and had our eyes glued to the television.
I was feeling guilty, because I placed my material needs before my real plot.
My plot to mug hard and have everyone green with envy.
HAHAHAHA.
Of course, this was never my motive.
I study and do well in order to fit into my desired expectations.

Today I went as an extra to denise's house.
My first motive was to just see her house.
Next, I thought maybe studying at her house would make my mugging more effective.
As you know, yeeling would go home and switch on the tv first before everything.
Thanks for allowing me to just hang around.
But your project a bit slack eh?
Chengcheng, christine and me ended up doing amaths together.
Thanks denise, for being such a wonderful host.
Her house was great, the garden completely caught my eye.
Although there was a no water pond, I liked the corniferous tree.
It was definitely fun, seeing Ruishan sound like an elderly.
=D

I can't stand leaving my assignments drooping, being halfway done.
My inability to overcome my temptations has definitely led me to slow down my pace significantly.
When we should be stepping up on our revision, this is no time to play and fool around.
Seriously, why didn't I even think of the consequences before I act?
It's not that I regret, I just feel guilty.
Not adhering to my principles really sucks.
I told myself in the morning that I was supposed to mug.
In the end, I led myself go astray again.
This is fucking bad.

I need to clarify something on what happened on TJ's Mardi Gras.
I was not irritated after seeing him.
I just stoned there.
I wanted to listen to what my heart has to say.
Apparently, only stoning can allow me to hear my heartbeat clearly.
Walking around chasing after him aint going to let me do that.
Things are different now.
It's no longer the same anymore.
Grabbing onto that so-called hope aint getting me anywhere.
It makes me look like an idiot.
Now, my heart's not responding to him at all.
No significant change in hearbeat detected.
What can I do?
Cry my heart out?
No one's dead yet.
Maybe the infatuation.

I expected to see him there.
And I told myself that was when I was going to decide if he'll go or stay.
Apparently, he's still on the verge of leaving.
In actual fact, he has left long ago.

I looked through my phone messages.
There are like 1000+++ of them present.
I looked through some of them, and realised how they brought back the feeling.
That feeling, so familiar and warm, yet fleeting.
I miss that feeling.
I guess that was the feeling I was trying to find on him.
I don't know if that feeling is still present,
but I'm assured that I'm still trapped within that circle.
Cause when I walked right near him that day,
I experienced that feeling again.

The comeback of the feeling only led to more confusion.
Nevertheless, rest assured, I'm not as reliant on him anymore.
I can do without him.
Just you see.