deja vu
great feeling.
I like the click feeling.
yet I hadn't got that feeling for a very long time.


Today I flooded my mind by mugging.
I consider this kind of lifestyle fufilling.
Happy but groggy.
I mugged continuously without taking a break.
Guess what?
My vision went blur.
And the effect remained for hours.


I started from 10am to 5.15pm.
with less than 2 hours not mugging.
I'm kinda crazy.
I was quite immuned to time, because I plugged on earphones.
I shifted from the table to the floor to the table, floor, table.
I can't sit still.
So, I'll start shaking my leg, bring it up and down.
start swinging them around, swirl my butt sideways like a caterpillar.
Then I'll start contracting some random muscles.
I did lots of writing today.
Feeling damn contented, but still lacking.


I stopped mugging only when I felt breathless and woozy.
I walked around the house and felt giddy.
It's great having a whole load of time to mug.
'Cause despite not being my home, but my aunt's,
with 3 crazy children screaming like shit,
my grandmother chanting,
I could concentrate better than at home.


My grandmother's chants kinda get on my nerves cause it's like repeat continuously.
I respect the religion only.
I like being a freethinker.
YAY.
So, I plug on my earphones. woohoo.
turn the volume up, then I can't hear it anymore.
WOOHOO.


But there's this little boy that comes around,
poking me with his toys.
Then request to play my handphone when I'm using it.
I forbidded him and he hit and threatened me.
wtf.


Actually I mugged real hard today,
because I wanted to keep myself occupied from someone.
However, the moment I visit the toilet,
I'll think of him.
disgusting.
It's considered constructive.



Frankly speaking,
I found my grades sliding.
It's still good, but it's pretty bad to me.
I see them.
Fuck. what's this?
eh you can do better than this.
I lost my sense of direction.
Cause you left my life.
furthermore I choose to push you away.

I concluded and told myself this disgusting ending.
Go find a new one that you can see everyday for this year.
Not easy.
Cause he left a great impression alr.
It's really not easy.
Cause I'm just too demanding.


I can't believe I have to depend on others to improve my grades.
damn disgusting.



Lastly,
I'm not that horny afterall.
I concluded my limit only stopped at what my parents does.
that's all.
I'm still pure to abnormal stuff outside my circle.
I'm really not the most horny if you think again.
I just feel that it's normal to talk about stuff that you can do later in life.
Or talk about your body.
It's like everybody also have right?
Just that I'm the only one saying it.
I'm just interested in human body.
Doesn't mean I'm sick.
I'm perfectly normal.
I dare to say that everyone has thought of such stuff before but just never say.
I'm stating facts. That's all.
Maybe it's because I grow up in a very open family that doesn't mind being open.
As long as you don't do anything funny, it's okay.
My first impression I give to you is not horny right?
I only get horny when I think the person can take it and leave it there as it is.
Maybe it's because ML influenced everyone to think this way.
She'll think of me the moment HORNY comes out.
Actually, ML's horny too lah.
Just that I was the first to say my horny thoughts out to everyone only.
REALLY.
It started after we took measurements for the blazers last year.
when I made a comment or observation about winnie.
I think everyone know also right, only dont want to say out.
tsk.