sick
and what heavy rain
wish i can be in the rain and be more sick
actually it isn't that bad
for i look like i just got tuberculosis
im coughing my way through out the day
and im coughing like siao when i get agitated
my nose is trickling down with yellowish mucus
that's not good
i prefer watery ones (:
im always getting woozy every now and then
and i am now
my head is all gushed up with blood
that it's so heavy for me to think about work
oh man this sucks
but absence from sch will only worsen my headache
when the work piles up fuck
and your brain rusts
tests are like waiting for me to do them...
but i just can't activate that energy to do them
i dint come to school coz i have funeral
not coz im sick
although i was about to do so today
but thinking of the tcher's faces
just see if i can make it to the toilet or not first
and i came to school
im not that sad over my paternal grandma's death
but it's more like maybe a good thing
she passed away like age of 90
that's like wow
given my diet and lifestyle
doubt i can even live past 70
oh ya
i just found my new aspiration in life
to be a grandma at 55
haha...
think my grandma become one at 50+
it's great to have so many children and grandchildren mouring for her
i have like 13 paternal cousins?
there are a few at china
my grandma was born in china
and the coolest thing is she experienced WWII
wow...i never had the chance to ask her
coz i can't speak cantonese
anyway, talking to her is less meaningless to her
she is so obvious in her favouritism over boys
very..extremely..
she left nothing for her daughters..
gave most of her money to the sons duh.
lucky my pa is the son (:
she has many jewelry..gold (:
and my relatives were like snatching them
but she said she only left them for...
the grandsons
apparently, im not.
i was a little upset about the whole favouritism thing
but oh well, i carry the same concept too (:
i dint bother to even look at them
since i dint had a part
mom grabbed like a handful of gold jewelry?
i was like MATERIALISTIC
why dont you donate all of them to charity?
since you are like donating the 'condolences money' to charity
it's like S$5,000+++
the entire is so wasteful and extravagant
why bother to spend some much money and resources
just to keep up with the face?
materialistic
there are like 61 flower stands
each costing from $200 to $400?
but i know the biggest 3 are worth $500.
siao lah...the entire street is filled with flowers
it's around like S$18,900...
waste money sia
there are also many blankets...
and really many...
that we just threw if we dont like the pattern
what's the world coming to?
just one funeral and so many resources are wasted

my pa and mom are so filial that they spent many nights there
okay 2 to be exact.
but each time we'll stay till 12am/1am
im bored stiff there
how can i communicate with cousins that have such huge age gap
some with 2 children alr...
some sucessful business woman and doctor (:
coz me and my bro are the youngest there
and i spent one night there
i slept on the first floor
coz it's a semi-detach (:
im like sleeping with the coffin within 2 metres
and the radio on the coffin practically pisses me off
it sings like only one sentence
which is damn slow
and repeats that pathetic sentence over and over and over again
i can't sleep with that pls
but i can't off it too
the second floor looks horribly scary
since both grandparent's rooms are there
my grandpa passed away peacefully while sleeping at 88 bah
so im a little scared to sleep there
when im sleeping alone and my bro is alr snoring like a train
wtf
we were sleeping on wood chairs
since the entire place was full of antiques
it's so hard to fall asleep
so i went out and stoned there
having ate chocolate waffle within 1 min after it's cooked after getting my $500 scholarship
i got sore throat..haha
thus i drank cold water and went out to enjoy the 3am cold wind
and i slept coz i really felt i was knocking off
the music suddenly became softer
coz my pa turned it down lol
and guess wad
i got sick the next day
and finally home..
saw the sofa and just lay on it
slept from 9.35am to 2pm
and again...to that horrible place again
i was stone'ing away again
and blah blah blah
the chanting part was the most most most fucking thing
he's chants non'stop for 2 hours
and we just sat there on the floor and stone
im sick alr...let me have some rest can?
i hate that religion
i find no idea why i should be doing all those
filial piety..haha..okay
then the day which i dint come to sch...monday
it was the burial day
and i have no idea why my tear glands were releasing tears out that readily
coz i can't stop once i start releasing?
so yea...i have bulging eyes later on..
the priest started chanting again
omg how i hate that guy
and the burial was fine
i dint cry anymore
we had burial for both my paternal grandparents
and it was such a coincidence that both their graves are just 100 metres apart
when my grandpa passed away at around primary 5 ..
ya then back there and more chanting
i was beginning to feel the dizzy spells alr
and that priest just goes on chanting
wtf can't i have some peace?
and he said we need to go vegetarian for 49 days
SIAO SIAO SIAO
for one that requires to see meat in every meal go vegetarian?
that's impossible...
i dont see meat, i just simply lose my appetite
at least fish would be good...
so oh well, forget it...
we are alr eating meat on that very day
i dont care no longer
although it makes sense that killing 'lives' will have negative impact
but i dont think i should follow for 49 days...
that's simply too much to ask of me
i will not even follow for a day...
so as usual..MEAT! wakaka.
and my coughing is back
fever, hope it goes off soon
i dont wanna have a shortcircuited brain
and hope my mucus turns watery and clear again
im hoping to use more tissue and flood my bed
im so unhygenic (: