im like so damn fucking tired of life already
i have never really met any problems or obstacles in my life
so i never knew how to tackle them properly
im like only casting my problems aside
i never went and solve my problems one by one
frankly speaking, im just a spoilt child
a girl who never knew how to solve her problems
everything was always smooth in my life
everything went right, never did it ever go as wrong as now
im like so tired over all the struggling and internal warfare in me
this emotional suffering and struggle is adversely affecting my body
one day, im really going to fall real ill with all the kinds of illness
i cant always store the problems up
everyday, little by little, i store and keep my problems to myself
and the problems i keep to myself, are only the problems that i noe
surely there are always some under-lying problems somewhere that will appear soon
i guess all the problem added together can really break me down
i dont even wan do anything
i just wan do nothing
everything is just practically failing me
this fail, that fail, everything also fail
i dont feel like going to sch alr
its so sick
the problems i face may look simple to overcome to many ppl
but because i never face problems mostly
i dunno wad is the meaning of fail
even if i have failed before, i only dismiss it with a
eh everyone fail too, no difference
i never knew how to solve my problems
just in this week
i have broke down
at least i know im not completely alone
but wads the use?
i noe there are ppl who know how i work
and are trying to convey to the ppl who dunno
but i too much a perfectionist
when i think im no longer a perfectionist
i have grown to be more of one
i realised that i have not been paying attention to myself
especially the inner me
im just doing wad im supposed to do everyday
like a zombie and dog
just doing my duties
i really need the space dearly
pls dont think im emo, but if you think im emo, i dont care
cos i dont think emo is bad
emo to me is just jing yi jing
but im not getting this since eap started
this fucking life sucks
i have been caring about other's feelings that im just forgetting myself
although i have small problems, but when a lot add together
its tooo big a burden for me to bear anymore
let me just say, one more burden, i may just stop talking
let me just let everything out

chemistry QA sucks, i can never get the desired results
wad am i doing? borrowing reagents from ruishan
taking the silver nitrate one drop by one drop
no ammonia appears, i seriously think that smelling will be even better
worst thing is i did the limewater for 3 times
and all the limewater were all sucked up into the other tube
my paper got all wet with chemicals
cannot do finish on time
cannot copy stuff on time
the worst thing as a perfectionist is i die also have to copy every word
or else i'll just be unhappy with the entire ws
i'll feel that it is just incomplete

ok then my bag strip wan to break off le
its like my dearest bag lah
although still can use
but wad i wan is sling not carry like aunty
but wad can i do? clobber?
its like everything even the one that sticks to me most, my bag
has failed on me

then my nric haven come yet
actually i dint noe such a thing existed till amanda came and asked me
making me all jittery
my mom is like tou du ke
what i wan now is comfort and advice
not your critisism
why tell me that the ic existed
fucking shit

chalet, i noe MA is also very stressed over the issue
but i alr said that i can help you
why dont you trust us, the toilet gang to help you
even if i always say i wan buy meat
i can still do other stuff as well as buy meat
but i think now, i dont even wanna eat meat
MA, just trust us lah
dont cancel the chalet

the kao ji music exam
thats even more fuck
i dint wan to go yet our tcher still force us to go
wads the point?
i dont get it
im quite neutral when she was anything
when she started using that harsh tone
i dint wan go anymore
now if im really pushed over my limit
i may just quit everything
pay money dont turn up lor
as simple as that
why would i even need a cert to prove that i can play zhongruan?
i have reached my limit to this issue
i tried fighting, but i still succumbed
wads the use?

its my bday haha
when its supposed to be a happy event
im feeling like so damn sad
is this my bday present? IS IT?
where's my bday present? i have to be there to buy it myself...
i dont mind lah, but its like so weird and the more i think of it
the weirder it gets, you wan me to pay for the present first?
i just came to realise that all toilet gang presents are mostly bought with the presence of me
cos why, im the money dispenser
is this how my bday is going to turn out?

i hate stress
and i hate to be in the spotlight
cos i cant bring myself to believe that i can do it
in face of stress, i can only panick then fail
all the tchers are giving me stress
im like so damn unlucky to be called everyday
especially miss zahra..do i have the face that says
eh call me.
look at her not good, dont look at her also not good, do nothing also not good
and got so many assignments

plus you think these are the only problems?
you are wrong
there are more, definitely
i dont get the motivation from all my sources alr
my cousin chengkiat, he's always sleeping
hence these few days he dint kiss me goodbye
the worst of all the worst things is
you are never there for me
when i need your presence the most
you are enjoying yourself somewhere else
do you know that im suffering internally?
i only need your presence, i no need you to say stuff to me
i only ask so little from you
why cant you just fufil my wish?
i really need you now

im trying hard to learn how to accept mistakes
pick myself up and continue walking on
but im afraid i need more than just this little bit of time
i just cant seem to control my emotions well
im feeling better than just now alr
give me time

time can be the medicine for me
time can be the poison im accumulating