Sometimes we seem to have regret our actions, but on deep thought, it actually isn't the case. Just because our heart wavers and feeling towards a certain object or event or even someone changes, it's natural to think that the reaction would be permanent. However, it is often puzzling how the regret or feeling can undo itself. So then, the reaction is no longer permanent.



Since the reaction is not permanent, is the regret there?



I often tell myself not to regret what I've done. Apparently, I've missed out on a whole bunch of opportunities. And of course, I feel a little regretful. It's natural, eh? Somehow, I always feel a little uncomfortable having even small regrets in my life. So, I always tell myself that I've got no regrets. In the end, it seems like it's all self-deception.




Even with all those regrets, I still stand by my own decisions and respect how others view it. I'm still happy. I managed to convince myself that I should stand by my decision no matter what, no matter how wrong it may be. Honestly, I spend a great deal of time on that. Not to mean that I've got a lot of regrets. It's that, I tend to be unable to let go of things easily.




I've been clinging onto something that I should have let go of long ago. And I don't think I'm ready to release and let it leave.

I'm happy with what I have now.


If I could learn how to let go on certain stuff, I would be even happier.
If I could be more forgiving, I would be even happier too.
If I could let my unhappiness flow away easily, I would be one of the world's happiest person.


I shall strive towards these goals and be happier. Humans are selfish to a certain extent, that's an undeniable fact. I shall be selfish and hope to be happier. And I have another small tiny wish too.


I wish my family and friends and you, the one reading this, can be happy too!
Hopefully under my influence. Hah. :D
I may not show wide smiles everyday, but I know that I'm a happy and contented person. So, I hope you are too. :D








Don't get bogged down by the nitty-gritty stuff. Learn to move on.

I'm feeling a little lousy now. And I think I know why. Hah. For once, I can understand the reason behind my feelings. That orange bar just keeps blinking and blinking, yet I can only stand by and watch. Anyway, it's good to feel a little down sometimes.




Seriously, feeling down sometimes balances your emotions. It makes you happy when you meet happy stuff. Imagine if you are always happy, as in always happy, the feeling of happiness would slowly lose its significance.




For these past few weeks, I've been feeling really happy, that I think I've forgotten how sad feels like. Even when our PW teacher was screaming at our group, I was like, 'Is she scolding us?'




Suddenly, sadness sets in. It might be the effect of happiness wearing off. Perhaps the former her is more suited in the less joyful world of her own. Sadly, she seems to be more efficient in that world.




I enjoy basking in the joy with everyone else, yet also enjoy feeling down on my own. However, it's quite irritating when people always pull me away from my own little lovely world to converse in meaningless windows. I don't mean the one with TG, I meant another window. :D




I need someone to talk to NOW. ): But whenever people are around to talk to, I'm always feeling happy. People are rarely there when I want to open up to them. This is so contradicting.




Are you dead or what?

Recently, I've become different. Honestly, I don't know why I've become like this. To a certain extent, I'm not even sure if I've changed or not. It's just something that my brain keeps telling me: You have changed my dear.




Can I believe what my mind tells me? It seems rather stupid and contradicting not to listen and to believe your mind though. Seriously. Nevertheless, I believe it's fine not to believe yourself sometimes.




Let's assume that I've changed then, and give it a go at listening to my confused mind. I guess the reason I'm confused is because I've come up with too many hypothetical questions to solve. If I reduce my many questions to only a few simple ones, then produce a simple answer for each of it, I might be more clear-minded.




Haha. As if matters were so easy to solve. It feels like I'm going through this transition period, but I just cannot pin-point out the category of this transition period.




Actually I think I'm muttering nonsense here. Haha. Just stop reading if you think this sucks. :D I won't know anyway.




I'm still going to continue typing nonsense even if you are not reading. :D




With so many outstanding questions left in my mind, floating and drifting around, I'm still constantly creating more hypothetical questions. This sucks. Haha. Especially when I can't stand questions floating around in my mind. Yet the answers I produce are not convincing enough.




Can everyone who reads till this line leave a tag? I wanna know if you think that I've changed. I would greatly appreciate it, even if you choose not to leave your name. (:

Yesterday we had our concert! YAY! It was a long day, but actually I wished it could go on. Honestly, I hope I don't forget this day, since I don't have a fantasic memory. Because I can only remember images? Yea. The whole of yesterday was wonderful. :D




Towards the end of the TJCO concert, I felt a little overwhelmed. It was going to end. And everyone is going to disperse after that. I got a little moody then. But I got all hyped up after the concert haha! Thanks for your support! I love all of you! :D




Theresa was so happy to see us during the interval, and was to excited to see me in makeup, that she poked my eye. And the funny thing is, I couldn't feel anything, only saw a finger moving towards my eye. Haha. Ruishan was quite amazed by my look. Baoyi was all hyper, like always. Haha. Amanda popped up from nowhere.




And today, from the moment I wake up, I can't stop thinking about CO. I felt super moody the whole day. Anyway, I woke up damn late at 12pm to eat, watched tv till I slept halfway from 1pm to 3pm. Haha. The thing is I'm unhappy that there's no more CO to bug me now. I'm starting to miss CO and everyone. It feels like the world's coming to an end. Haha. I think I'm exaggerating. Seriously, I'm very moody now.





Humans tend towards the lazy and negative side more, that's why we always fail to see the purpose behind everything we do.

YAY! TJCO CLINCHED GOLD WITH HONOURS! YIPEE!




I was super happy when I heared the word 'rong', because GWH in chinese is rong yu jin pai. Then the people beside me started cheering and shouting. I couldn't help but tear uncontrollably - non-stop. Honestly, I didn't know I would have such a overwhelming feeling, though I anticipated that I would still tear no matter what happens. Haha.




The last thing I wanna say is - thanks for everyone's encouragement and wishes. I'm really touched. :D





Today is one day that I'll never forget.






I love TJCO and my lovely buddies! :D

I just realise my blog actually looks pretty scary. Haha. It's okay. I like it this way. Perhaps for now. Bear with it.




Tiring it might be, I find this whole process precious, and the memories hard to forget. Whatever the result of the SYF might be, the process is good for stretching our potential. Okay it's starting to sound formal. Haha. Anyway, I'm finding it enjoyable overall. Except for the fact that I'm exhausted.




I want that to happen to me.